Lust?

Carrie:

So when we met Monday I only had the intention of meeting a potential friend. After all, that is what you said you were looking for only. And I was thinking about how I date, and then when it has not worked out, then I lose a friend along with the romantic interest, because while my breakups have usually been friendly, obviously we don’t really hang out any more, it would not be kosher to hang out platonically because she would be seeing someone new and so would I and those people would not be comfortable with such. So I would love to have more platonic female friends but it has mostly not worked out that such happens. So here was a chance to have that with you maybe.

Then, surprise, I meet you and… how could it be that I have a first meeting – in the morning even – with a woman I am just thinking ahead of time as explore a friendship only – not expecting to be attracted romantically – and then end up wanting to kiss you so bad at the end of it? That was a first; and the intensity of feeling it caught me by surprise big time. Yes, I have wanted to kiss women on first dates before, of course, but not after a morning friend date in particular, and really, even counting evening dates where I went into the date with romantic intentions, never with so much surprisingly overwhelming desire… and it was not so much sexual desire as affection desire… I just felt really really affectionate towards you.

So I am writing this trying to work out what happened? Was it just lust? But it wasn’t only lust. Why am I so attracted to you after just a first meeting? What things about you am I attracted to?

Yes, some of it was pure lust… while it was affection that drove my desire to kiss you, I would be lying to suggest I wasn’t lusting you too. Really, if I could draw up the perfect female body as far as what I tend to prefer and be attracted to… it would be yours. I was just like oh my god your curves so… wow… those hips and legs… oh my god — when I checked you out more as we were going out to our cars. And your height is nice; we fit together nicely on the hug. And not trying to be crude, just sayin’, your body looks to me, for my specific tastes, to be perfect, and your eyes mesmerize me, and I hope we continue to hit it off and that we end up a thing and that I eventually get to worship that body for a few thousand years at least. Again, no I am not trying to score with you just for sex, my intents towards you are honorable, and I am not all about looks, but I am hoping it works out we get there, because if we do I will be a very lucky guy to be with a woman who is so hot.

I don’t think though that my attraction is lust foremost. One thing that especially – in reading thru all your questions on OKC that really struck a chord with me… how you mentioned being a nice girl and that guys don’t like nice girls. Nice to me is critical. How can someone trust a not nice person? And we matched on so many questions on OKC. And talking to you Monday resonated.

Another funny thing is I am not usually attracted to blondes. Yes, I know, hair color, again something shallow that shouldn’t matter and is kind of in the lust department. Just the vast majority of women I have dated have been brunettes. Ironically, I was married to a blonde for 18 years. It seems that I am not often attracted to blondes, but that when I am attracted to blondes, then I am highly attracted. And I am really really really attracted to you… I am finding you so far to be so beautiful inside and out.

I guess it is harder to speak to the non-physical aspects of why I felt so attracted to you.

I do like it that you are nice. So many people in this crazy world are not. I also like it that you are not too nice. As in not so nice that you would be easily taken advantage of… some people can be stupid nice, you are smart nice. You seem to have street savvy. And you have had it hard at times in your life, or so it was my impression, yet you choose to still be a nice and good person. I like and respect that. And I like it that you would offset me being maybe too mushy sometimes. For example, I am a guy but I love to watch romantic comedies – my sons tease me about it. So, yes, I am kinda mushy for a guy. I might at times be too much of a romantic for your tastes. I think you might offset that some and keep me from going overboard lol. Although, given that Frida Kahlo quote on your OKC profile, I am guessing that deep down inside you might be secretly a bit of a romantic too. At least enough to put up with me (-:

I love it that you love to travel, and that you are not a wuss about it. A lot of women say they love to travel. Then you talk about going down to Mexico on a whim and they are like is that safe? I would love to find someone who would want to travel the world with me for years once the boys are off to college. Some before then too. And it seems like we might be an optimum match there given you are also going to be tied to Tucson for awhile by your mom, but might be totally free down the line.

I love it that you are partly small business minded. My ex hated that I did small businesses back when.

I love it that you are liberal, opinionated, worldly, an environmentalist, not religious, value long term commitment, are wicked smart, and share so many of my values. I don’t have a gun but like them and love that you are ok with that because most liberal women are not.

I love it that you value experiences over things. I have been moving to more minimalism in my life too – although with kids it is harder to purge. I love it that you are fit but not obsessed with the gym. I love it that you hate talking on the phone. I love it that you smile easily and often.

I just have an abiding feeling in my gut that we are a good match. True we have a lot not in common, but also we seem to have the important stuff very much in common, and it seems like the not in common parts complement. That we would overall complement each other well. You could teach me to eat healthier. I could help you with a web site, or internet marketing, or I could perhaps be the one who handles or insulates you some in some social situations. Or I don’t know how things might work out, just a feeling that we could potentially complement each other well.

I know if we do work out I don’t think you would ever need to lie to me. Like where you were forced to lie about your work schedule in order to get space from the coke guy. I am hoping we become best friends, and more, and that we find ways to meet each others needs that are win-win and never require lying. I am hoping that if we work out as friends or more, either way, that you will cut things off with me before lying to me – and that it will never get to that because we will have good communication and respect so that lies won’t be needed. I hope to build trust with you over time so that we can have true connection.

And yes, we just met, this is thinking too far ahead when we don’t really even know each other yet, who knows, we just met, but a fellow can still mull on the future, and it is ok to hope.

So I am feeling very very happy today that I get to continue to get to know you… and that you _might_ be open to more than friends… and here is to looking forward to seeing what an us ends up looking like… be it friends, or hopefully much more, either way my gut is feeling it is going to be a very good thing.

-David